By Jax Stys, certified life coach
Quick answer: A midlife crisis is a stretch of self-questioning and big feelings that often shows up in your 40s or 50s. It’s usually set off by a life change, like an empty nest, a layoff, a divorce, an aging parent, or a body that’s changing. It isn’t a medical diagnosis. There’s no set length. For some women it’s a few months. For others it comes in waves over years.
Mine didn’t look like a red sports car. It looked like a plastic folding chair.
It was 2022. I was in my mid-40s, I had just been laid off from my underwriting job, and I was over 400 pounds. I sat down in one of those cheap folding chairs in my backyard, and it broke under me. I sat there on the ground and said out loud, “This has to stop.”
Was that a midlife crisis? Honestly, I’m still not sure what to call it. I know it was the start of everything that came after.
It’s a season where you start asking big questions about your life. Is this it? Is this who I want to be for the next 40 years?
The phrase goes back to 1965, when psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques used it in a paper about people in their late 30s and 40s facing their own mortality.
For a lot of women, it doesn’t look like the movie version. It’s quieter. It sounds more like: Who am I outside of everyone I take care of?
There’s no exact age, but there is a pattern. Economist David Blanchflower looked at happiness data from 132 countries and found that, on average, it dips to its lowest point around age 47 or 48, then climbs back up (NBER, 2020).
I was 44 and 45 during my hardest year. So that tracks for me.
It often hits when a few things pile up at once:
I had more than one of those going at the same time.
There isn’t a good number for this, and I’d be careful of anyone who gives you one. For some women it’s a hard few months. For others it comes and goes for years.
Mine started in 2022. Four years later, the questions still come back, especially around big changes. My son moving out this summer brought a bunch of them right back.
If you’re also feeling hopeless, can’t sleep, or can’t enjoy anything for weeks, please talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. That’s more than a rough season, and you deserve real support.
I don’t love the word “crisis.” It makes something really common sound like an emergency. I usually call what I went through a midlife awakening.
But I’ll be fair. Some days it did feel like a crisis. If that’s where you are, you don’t have to rename it to make it okay. I wrote more about the awakening side in my Midlife Awakening Series.
Here’s where I’d start:
For me, the small change was walking one block at 6 am. That’s it.
A season of self-questioning and big feelings, usually in your 40s or 50s, often set off by a major life change. It’s not a medical diagnosis.
There’s no set age. Research by David Blanchflower found happiness tends to dip lowest around age 47 or 48 on average, then rise again.
It varies a lot. For some women it’s a few months. For others it comes in waves over several years, often around big changes.
It often is. For many women it’s quieter and more internal than the stereotype, and it centers on identity and purpose.
A crisis? An awakening? Something else? I’d really like to know. Hit reply on my newsletter and tell me.
If you want help turning the questions into a plan, that’s what we do in The Midlife GlowGetter 6-Week Strategy Session. Not sure where to start? Take the free Glow Assessment first.
With love and confidence,
Jax
This post shares my personal experience and is not medical or mental health advice.
