By Jax Stys, certified life coach · Last updated: October 25, 2026
Quick answer: A midlife awakening is when you look at your life and admit it doesn’t fit anymore. This series walks through it in 8 pillars: Awakening, Identity, Healing, Body, Relationships, Power, Purpose, and Vision. Read them in order or jump to the one you need. There’s no finish line. I’m still in it too.
It’s a Sunday in October, and my house in Parma is quiet. Really quiet. My son moved out on his own this summer.
Here’s the funny part. I wrote most of this series last spring, back when he still lived here. Week 2 was all about one question: “Who am I now?” I typed it at my kitchen table like I was coaching someone else.
Then June came, and the question was mine.
So when I pulled all 8 weeks onto one page this weekend, I read them again as the woman I’m writing to. Some parts held up. Some parts I’d write differently now. I left a few notes in here about that, because I think you deserve the real version.
The 8 pillars:
For me, it felt like being embarrassed, then scared, then mad.
2022. The same year I was laid off from my underwriting job, I sat down in a plastic folding chair in my backyard, the kind you take to a ballgame, and it broke under me. Nobody saw it. I sat there on the ground and said out loud, “This has to stop.”
That’s not a pretty awakening story. Nobody handed me a journal and a candle. I was over 400 pounds, out of work, and sitting in the grass next to a broken chair.
Yours probably looks different. Maybe it’s a quiet “Is this it?” in the car before work. Maybe it’s a birthday that hit harder than you expected. Some signs I hear from women all the time:
I won’t tell you what it means. You’ll know.
Ask yourself: When did you last think, “There has to be more than this”? What were you doing?
I wrote this pillar in March. I’d answer it differently today.
Back then I wrote about roles: mom, daughter, employee, the strong one. I still believe that. But I didn’t know yet how much of my identity was tied to one specific job, which was raising my son by myself. Private school, sports, college. For years, my calendar was his calendar.
I’d do it all again. I also lost a lot of myself doing it. Both of those are true, and I’ve stopped trying to make them fit into one neat sentence.
James Clear talks about this in Atomic Habits. Every small action is a vote for the person you’re becoming. That idea helped me more than any big identity exercise. I didn’t decide who I was. I just kept casting little votes. A walk. A glass of water before my coffee. Going to bed early.
Some of what we call personality is really a survival habit. I was “the one who handles it” because somebody had to. Now I get to ask if I still want that job.
Ask yourself: What label have you carried for years that you never actually chose?
I’ll be honest. I almost skipped this one when I put the series together, because it’s the one I’m least finished with.
You can pay your bills, raise a kid, and help care for a parent and still be carrying a lot of old hurt. I know because I did all three. Functioning is not the same as healing.
For me, the hurt showed up as food. Not hunger. Comfort. I’d come home tired and lonely, and food was the one thing that asked nothing of me. It took me a long time to say that plainly: I was sad, and I was eating about it.
Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion changed how I talk to myself when I slip. Instead of “What is wrong with you?” I try “Of course you wanted comfort. What else could help right now?” Some days it works. Some days it doesn’t.
I don’t have a five-step healing plan for you. I have one question I’m still answering myself.
Ask yourself: What hurt are you still treating like it wasn’t a big deal?
My body and I have been in a long argument. At my heaviest, I weighed 431 pounds. As of October 2026, I’m down over 200 pounds, and right now I’m stuck on a plateau. Yes, the woman writing a body pillar is on a plateau. That’s the honest version.
What changed wasn’t one diet. It was walking. One block at 6 am, with Mel Robbins in my earbuds, because I was too self-conscious to go to a gym. Then two blocks. Then the Cleveland Metroparks. Then, this August, sunrise walks on Folly Beach in Charleston with my coffee.
If you want the science side, Dr. Vonda Wright’s book Unbreakable is the best thing I’ve read on muscle and bone after 40. I wrote a full review here.
Read the original post: Awakening Series Week 4: Body.
Ask yourself: If your body could talk, what would it ask you for this week?
I’m still working this out, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
For a lot of us, love got mixed up with doing everything for everyone. Saying yes when we meant no. Then feeling resentful and guilty about feeling resentful. I’ve done that with family, with friends, and with work.
Right now this pillar looks like small things for me. Texting a friend I’ve known for over 30 years every week. Saying “I can’t this weekend” without a long explanation. Sharing our dad’s care with my two sisters instead of trying to carry it all myself.
Read the original post: Awakening Series Week 5: Relationships.
Ask yourself: Who do you say yes to when you really mean no?
Because they’re different things. I’ve been strong my whole adult life. Feeling powerful came much later.
Strong is carrying everything. Powerful is choosing what you carry.
Here’s a real example. In June 2026, at 49, I started a brand new job building loan programs. It’s corporate work, and my dream is still to do this, writing to you, full time. But I chose it on purpose, because it pays for the life I’m building and it lets me grow. That choice felt powerful, even though, honestly, part of me still wants to quit tomorrow.
Power can also be small:
Ask yourself: Where are you still waiting for someone to give you permission?
I didn’t find my purpose. It kind of found me while I was trying to fix my own life.
I started this blog to keep myself accountable. Then I hired a coach, saw how much it helped, and got certified through The Life Coach School myself. Then I started answering women’s questions, and that became Ask Jax. None of that was a plan.
So I’m a little skeptical of anyone who says you can find your purpose in a weekend. I think you notice it slowly, by paying attention to what you keep coming back to.
Want more on this? Read how to find purpose in midlife: 7 steps.
Ask yourself: What do people already come to you for?
I’ll tell you mine, and I’ll tell you what I’m not sure about.
I want to split my year between Cleveland and Charleston. I want to host GlowGetter retreats at a beach house in Charleston. I want to reach my goal weight of 145 pounds. I’m open to dating again, although I haven’t done much about that one yet.
What I’m not sure about is the timing. I don’t know if I’ll leave corporate work in two years or five. I don’t know if the retreat will look the way I picture it. I’m building toward it anyway.
If you want help mapping yours, try my 5-year life plan steps.
Ask yourself: What would a normal Tuesday look like in the life you actually want?
Each pillar has a matching episode of The Midlife GlowGetter Podcast, Episodes 1 through 8. I recorded them before my son moved out, so you’ll hear the before version of me. I kind of like that.
It’s when a woman realizes parts of her life no longer fit and starts wanting more truth, peace, and purpose. It often starts with restlessness or a moment that shakes you, not with a plan.
They can feel alike at first. A crisis is usually about panic or escape. An awakening is about getting honest and choosing your life on purpose. Some women go through a bit of both.
There’s no set timeline. Mine started in 2022, and I’m still in it. It tends to come in waves, especially around big changes like an empty nest or a new job.
No. Start with the one that’s loudest for you right now. Identity or Healing are good places to start.
Start by noticing where you feel restless and what drains you. Then pick one small action and repeat it. The free Glow Assessment can also help you find a starting point.
I’m genuinely asking. Hit reply on my newsletter, or leave a comment, and tell me which pillar you’re in right now. Me? It changes week to week, and some days I’m right back at Awakening.
If you want a starting point, take the free Glow Assessment. If you want help building your plan, that’s what we do together in the 6-Week Strategy Session.
With love and confidence,
Jax
