Quick answer: To start a weight loss journey after 40, start in your mind first. Write down your big reasons why, learn the difference between hunger and a craving, and stop eating your feelings. Then find a friend to be your weight loss coach, and pick a food plan and an exercise plan you can actually keep. Keep it simple, and start small.
By Jax Stys, certified life coach. Last updated: November 15, 2026
Hey you. I’m so glad you’re here.
Maybe you have 40 pounds to lose. Maybe you have a lot more. Maybe you’ve started and stopped so many times that you’ve lost count.
I get it. I’ve been there.
My highest weight was 431 pounds. I started my weight loss in May 2022. As of November 2026, I’m down 200 pounds, and I still have about 90 pounds to go. I’m 49, and I’m still doing the work every single day.
I’m also a certified life coach. So here’s what I know: the plan is not what stops most of us. Our minds do. So that’s where we’re going to start.
This post comes from my latest podcast episode. Let’s get into it.
You start with your mindset, not your meal plan.
Most women want to jump straight to the diet or the gym. But if your head isn’t ready, even a perfect plan will fall apart by week three.
Here are the 8 steps I use and teach:
The first six are all about mindset. The last two are your plan. That order is on purpose.
Because “I want to look better” is not strong enough to get you through a hard Tuesday night.
Grab a notebook and answer one question: why do I want to lose this weight?
Then keep asking why. Why do I want to look better? Because I want to feel confident. Why does that matter? Because I want to feel like myself again. Keep going until you hit a reason that really hits your heart.
Those are the reasons that stick. With 40 or more pounds to lose, you need reasons bigger than a number on the scale.
[JAX: add one of your own big reasons why, in your own words.]
Try this: Write down ten reasons. Circle your top three. Put them where you’ll see them, like your phone or your bathroom mirror. On the days you want to quit, read them out loud.
Hunger builds slowly and a craving shows up fast. That tiny difference can change everything.
Here’s how I think about it:
Before you grab a bite, stop. Take one breath. Ask yourself, “Am I hungry, or is this a craving?”
Here’s a simple test. Would you eat a plain apple right now? If yes, you may be hungry. If your answer is “no, I only want the cookies,” it’s probably a craving.
Sometimes you’ll still eat the cookie. That’s real life. The goal is to know what’s going on before you decide.
Yes, it does. Every time you give in, you make the habit of giving in stronger.
I know. You’ve heard “it’s just one bite.” I’ve said it too. But when you give in, even a little, it becomes more likely that you’ll give in the next time. And the next time after that.
The bite isn’t really about the bite. It’s about the vote you’re casting. Every yes is a vote for the old you. Every no is a vote for the woman you’re becoming.
Try this: The next time a craving hits, set a timer for ten minutes. Drink a glass of water. Then decide. You may be surprised how much power you have.
You name the feeling first, then give yourself something else to do. Food can’t fix a feeling. It only covers it up for about ten minutes, and then the guilt shows up too.
A lot of us eat to cope. Stressed? Eat. Sad? Eat. Bored? Eat. Lonely? Eat.
As a coach, here’s what I’d tell you. A feeling is just a feeling. You can feel it without eating it. It might be uncomfortable, but it will pass.
When you reach for food and you’re not hungry, ask, “What am I really feeling right now?” Say it out loud. “I’m stressed.” “I’m lonely.” “I’m tired and I want a reward.”
Then try one of these:
[JAX: add a real moment when you caught yourself eating a feeling, and what you did instead.]
Because focusing on what’s unfair makes you feel like a victim, and victims stay stuck.
You’re at a birthday party. Someone grabs a big slice of cake, then another one. And you think, “It’s so unfair. Why can she eat whatever she wants and I can’t?”
I’ve been there. But that thought keeps you stuck. Life isn’t going to get fairer, so you get stronger.
Here’s the swap I use. Instead of “It’s unfair that I can’t eat like everyone else,” say, “It’s a great thing that I don’t eat like everyone else. I eat to lose fat.”
That’s not a punishment. That’s a decision. You’re not missing out. You’re choosing something bigger.
Pick a family member or a close friend you can be completely honest with. It doesn’t have to be a paid coach.
This road is lonely when you walk it alone. And it’s easy to hide slip-ups when nobody knows about them.
A good free coach does two things. They support you, and they give you straight, honest feedback. Not mean. Not judgy. Just honest.
Look for someone who:
Then keep it simple. Once a week, tell them three things: what went well, what was hard, and what you’re doing next week. That’s about ten minutes, and it can change everything.
Pick the plan you can keep, not the plan that promises the fastest result. A fast plan you hate by week three won’t help you.
Do some research. Look at a few options. Then run your top pick through these five questions:
If a plan fails any of these, keep looking. How many calories are right for you depends on your body and your health. That’s a great thing to work out with your doctor or a registered dietitian. Always talk to your doctor first.
The same rules apply. Your exercise plan has to be sustainable, something you’ll somewhat enjoy, and something you will actually do.
Here’s how I started. I started with walking. One block at a time.
Not a gym. Not a fancy class. One block. And that was enough to start.
Ask yourself:
If you’re just starting, start smaller than you think. Walk to the end of your street. Walk for five minutes. Add a little more next week. As you build up, you can add other kinds of movement, like strength work. Ask your doctor what’s safe for you.
The best exercise plan is not the hardest one. It’s the one you do.
Keep it simple. Keep it repeatable. Keep it real.
Yes. For three months, I was on weight loss medication. I stopped because of the cost and the side effects.
I’m sharing that because it’s part of my real story, not because it’s advice. Whether medication is right for you is a talk for you and your doctor. Always talk to your doctor first.
If you want to know more about the mindset side of this, read my post on why weight goals should improve your life, not run it.
Start with your mindset. Write down your big reasons why you want to lose weight. Strong reasons will carry you on the days you feel like quitting.
Hunger builds slowly and any food sounds ok. A craving shows up fast and wants one specific food. Before you eat, pause and ask, “Am I hungry, or is this a craving?”
Pick one you can keep. It should be sustainable, enjoyable in some ways, have enough calories, be nutritious and balanced, and be easy to prepare. Talk to your doctor or a registered dietitian first.
Start small. I started with walking, one block at a time. Pick something you’ll actually do, and build up slowly. Always ask your doctor what’s safe for you.
Don’t try to do all eight steps tonight. Pick one. If you’re not sure which, start with step one. Write down ten reasons why you want this. That’s your first win.
I started with one block. You can start with one page.
Want to know where you are right now in your midlife glow-up? Take my free Midlife GlowGetter Glow Assessment. And if you want one-on-one help, my private weight loss coaching is coming in 2027. You can join the waitlist here. You can also hear the whole story on the Midlife GlowGetter podcast.
With love and confidence, Jax.
This post shares my personal experience and is not medical advice.
