Quick answer: How do you stop comparing yourself to other women when you’re trying to lose weight? You stop treating it like a race. Your age, your body, your life, and your timeline belong to you. Celebrate your own wins, write them down every day, and let other women inspire you instead of measure you.
By Jax Stys, certified life coach
I’ll be honest with you. I used to compare myself to almost everyone.
I started at 431 pounds. As of October 2026, I’m down over 200 pounds. I’m also a certified life and wellness coach who helps women over 40 get their health back. And comparison almost kept me stuck.
Comparing yourself makes you feel worse, and feeling worse makes it harder to keep going. When you hold your progress up next to someone else’s, your wins start to look tiny. Then quitting starts to look easy.
Research backs this up. In a study of 150 young women, researchers in Australia found that comparing their looks to others on social media left them less happy with their bodies. It also made them more likely to want to start unhealthy dieting than when they compared themselves in person. Their worst moods came after social media comparisons.
Here’s the truth: comparison doesn’t motivate you. It drains you.
Mostly women who lost weight faster and easier than me. Especially women under 35.
It’s all over social media. SkinnyTok. Young women talking about how they lost 50 pounds in 90 days. Every scroll made me feel like I was doing it wrong.
I also compared myself to women who finished 75 Hard. That’s the challenge where you follow strict daily rules for 75 days in a row. I never once finished all 75 days.
My best try got me to day 40, and I skipped some days along the way. It was overwhelming. There was never enough time. It felt too punishing for my real life.
For a lot of us, our bodies are in a different season. Weight changes often start in perimenopause, the years before menopause. Cleveland Clinic says perimenopause can start four to five years before menopause, which happens at about age 52 on average. Hormones shift. Metabolism slows. Muscle fades.
So when a 28-year-old drops 50 pounds in 90 days, that’s her body and her life. It’s not a scorecard for yours.
Cleveland Clinic’s Dr. Pelin Batur put it simply: “Being persistent is more important than working for quick results.”
Here’s my real life right now:
I’m 49 years old.
I work full time.
I’m a caregiver for my elderly dad.
I’m in perimenopause.
And I’m doing great.
Move your focus from her progress back to yours. These 7 simple steps will help you do it, starting today.
I had to realize I’m on my own path. Nobody hands out medals for losing it the fastest. I am no better and no worse than any other woman. Neither are you.
Your goals still matter, even if they take longer. Read why midlife women should set big, bold goals, even if you don’t hit them right away.
Try this: The next time you catch yourself comparing, say out loud: “It’s not a race.”
Other women can still teach you something. When a post stings, pause and ask: “What can I learn from her that would help me?”
Maybe it’s a recipe. A walking habit. The kind way she talks to herself. Take that one thing and leave the rest.
Try this: Save one post this week because it teaches you something useful.
This is the habit I want every woman to start. Open the Notes app on your phone and write down what you did well today. No matter how small.
Your list might look like this:
Small wins build confidence.
Confidence builds pride.
Pride keeps you going.
Try this: Write down 3 wins tonight before bed.
Journaling helps you learn what you need, so you stop copying what worked for someone else. Write about what sets you off, what makes you proud, and how you want your life to feel.
Try these prompts:
If food and feelings are tangled up for you, read how mindset transforms overeating.
The scale is one number. Your life is so much bigger than that. (I wrote more about this in Stop Chasing the Scale.)
Here are a few of mine:
I can sit in any old chair without worrying it will break.
I can shop for clothes in person.
Men actually hold the door open for me now.
Yours might look like this:
Want an easy one to chase? Try these 50 creative ways to get more steps with a 9 to 5 desk job.
If an account makes you feel like a failure every time, you’re allowed to mute it. Follow women who look like you, live like you, and are in your season of life. Your feed should feel like a friend cheering you on.
Try this: Mute 3 accounts that make you feel behind. Follow 3 women over 40 who make you feel hopeful.
Don’t wait for a big number to feel proud. Tell a friend. Share your win. Do a happy dance in the kitchen.
Being kind to yourself matters more than you think. In a small 2022 study in Obesity Science & Practice, women with severe obesity who took a self-compassion course became kinder to themselves and less hard on themselves about their weight.
Try this: Read your wins list out loud once a week. Yes, out loud.
Yes. Almost everyone does it, especially with social media in your hand all day. Comparing doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means it’s time to bring your focus back to your own wins.
Most people post their best photos and their best days. In one study, young women felt worse about their bodies and had their worst moods after comparing themselves on social media. You’re putting your real life next to someone’s highlight reel.
For many women, yes. Cleveland Clinic says hormone changes in perimenopause and menopause, a slower metabolism, and muscle loss can make weight gain more common. Slower progress is still progress, and steady habits matter more than fast results.
Keep a daily wins list in your phone’s Notes app. Write down habits you kept, choices you’re proud of, and things your body can do now. Over time, that list becomes proof of how far you’ve come.
Only if it fits your real life. If you work full time, care for family, or have health needs, a strict challenge may not fit right now. That’s okay. Build simple habits you can keep, and talk to your doctor before any big change.
You’re not behind. You’re awake.
Your body.
Your timeline.
Your wins.
Start your wins list today. If you want help building a plan that fits your real life after 40, take my free Midlife GlowGetter Glow Assessment. It’s the first step to your midlife glow-up.
With love and confidence, Jax.
This post shares my personal experience and is not medical advice. Always talk to your doctor first before changing how you eat or exercise.
