How Do I Care for Aging Parents Without Losing Myself?

Last updated: October 2026 · Ask Jax: Coaching Chats

Today’s question: “My parents need more help every month. I love them, but I’m exhausted. How do I take care of them without losing myself?”

Here’s the short answer. You don’t have to do it all alone, and you shouldn’t. Caring for aging parents works best when you share the load, get outside help early, set a few clear limits, and protect a little time each day that’s just for you. Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of them.

You’re in good company. In AARP’s 2025 Caregiving in the US report, 63 million Americans, nearly 1 in 4 adults, gave ongoing care to someone in the past year. And in an AARP survey from December 2025, 54% of women 50 and older said they are or have been an unpaid family caregiver.

This one is close to my heart. I’m a caregiver for my dad.

For me, the hardest caregiving days aren’t the busiest ones. They’re the days my dad is more emotional and upset about something.

Those days are draining. Some of them are really depressing.

So I won’t pretend this is easy. But I’ve learned you can love your parents and still protect your own life. Let’s get into it.

Why Does Caring for My Parents Feel So Heavy?

Because you’re doing a second job, often on top of your first one.

In that same AARP report, 6 in 10 family caregivers also had a paying job, and nearly 1 in 4 gave 40 or more hours of care a week. Nearly half had felt at least one major money hit, like taking on debt.

There are also the feelings no one talks about. Grief as your parent changes. Guilt that you’re not doing enough. Sometimes resentment, and then guilt about the resentment. All of it is normal.

Try this: Name what you feel today in one word. Tired? Sad? Angry? Naming it is the first step to handling it.

How Do I Get My Siblings and Family to Help?

Ask clearly and give each person a specific job. “Can you help more?” rarely works. “Can you take Dad to his Tuesday appointments?” works much better.

• Make the list. Write down every task: rides, meds, bills, meals, calls, cleaning, and appointments.
• Hold a family meeting. In person or on video. Share the list and ask everyone to pick something.
• Use their strengths. The sibling who lives far away can still handle bills, insurance calls, or online orders.
• Put it in writing. A shared calendar or group text keeps everyone on the same page.

Try this: Send one text today asking one person for one specific thing.

What Help Is Out There for Family Caregivers?

More than most people know. Start with free local help.

• The Eldercare Locator. Call 1-800-677-1116 (Monday to Friday, 8 AM to 9 PM Eastern) or visit eldercare.acl.gov. They can connect you to your local Area Agency on Aging for things like meals, rides, in-home help, and respite care (a short break while someone else steps in).
• Your job. The Family and Medical Leave Act lets eligible workers take up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave a year to care for a parent with a serious health condition. Ask HR if you qualify, and whether your company has an employee assistance program.
• Your parent’s doctor. Ask about home health care, physical therapy, or a social worker who can help you plan care.

Try this: Call the Eldercare Locator this week and ask, “What help is there for my parent in my area?” Write down every name and number they give you.

How Do I Set Limits Without Feeling Guilty?

Decide your limits ahead of time, say them kindly, and let the guilt be there without letting it run the show.

Here are a few things you can say:

• “I can come Sundays and Wednesdays. I can’t come every day.”
• “I can handle the bills. I need you to handle the doctor visits.”
• “I love you. I need tonight to rest, and I’ll call you in the morning.”

Want more help with this? Read my chat on how to set boundaries in midlife without feeling guilty.

How Do I Take Care of Myself While Caring for a Parent?

Protect one small thing every day that’s just for you, and keep your own doctor visits.

This matters. AARP found that 1 in 5 caregivers said their own health was fair or poor. You can’t care for anyone well if you fall apart.

• A 10-minute walk. Walking is where my own glow-up started, one block at a time.
• Your own appointments. Put them on the calendar first, before anyone else’s.
• One honest friend. Someone you can call and say, “Today was hard.”
• Real rest. Ask someone to cover a day or a night when you need it.

Try this: Put one 15-minute block for yourself on tomorrow’s calendar. Treat it like a doctor visit you can’t miss.

Caring for Aging Parents: FAQ

How do I care for aging parents without burning out?

Share tasks with family, get outside help early, set clear limits, and protect a little time for yourself each day. You don’t have to do it alone.

Where can I find help caring for an elderly parent?

Start with the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 or eldercare.acl.gov. They can connect you to your local Area Agency on Aging and services like meals, rides, and respite care.

Can I take time off work to care for a parent?

Maybe. The Family and Medical Leave Act lets eligible workers take up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave a year to care for a parent with a serious health condition. Ask your HR team if you qualify.

How do I get my siblings to help with our parents?

Make a list of every task, hold a family meeting, and ask each person to take a specific job. Use a shared calendar or group text so everyone stays on the same page.

Is it normal to feel guilty or resentful as a caregiver?

Yes. Guilt, grief, and even resentment are common for caregivers. Those feelings don’t mean you love your parent any less. If they get heavy, talk to a counselor, a support group, or your doctor.

You Matter, Too

You can love them.
You can help them.
And you can still have a life.

Taking care of you isn’t selfish. It’s how you keep showing up for them.

Want more? Read the balancing act of taking care of elderly parents in midlife and my chat on why you feel so overwhelmed all the time after 40.

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Got a question for me? Ask me here, anonymously if you want. I may answer it in a future Coaching Chat and in my newsletter.

Feeling stretched too thin? Book the 6-Week Strategy Session and we’ll build a plan that makes room for you, too. Or start with the free Midlife GlowGetter Quiz.

With love and confidence,
Jax